Attrition
by corrodedstar
Summary: AU Yullen. How is it, Kanda wonders, that no one notices how that smile is nothing but a hollow mask? There's an impenetrable wall all around him that refuses to let anyone get close. What would it take, then, to tear away that wall?
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** AU Yullen. How is it that no one notices how that smile is nothing but a hollow mask? There's an impenetrable wall all around him that refuses to let anyone get close. What would it take, then, to tear away that wall?

A short 3 chapter story. Nothing mind-blowingly long.

**Warning**: Like many fanfics on this site, the **M** rating is there for a reason. And seeing as this is a slash pairing fic, and Yullen to boot, I don't think it takes any wide stretch of imagination to figure it out. /laughs. So, if you have a problem with it, stay away from chapter 2 and onwards. (But it's all lime and implied lemon. There's no actual lemon, rawr.)

...

* * *

><p><em>"This is the Black Order, an organization of exorcists that helps protect humans from the monsters and demons that roam the land. You have the power to fight them, so it is your duty to use that power for good. Will you join us, Allen?"<em>

…

"Kanda!" Lenalee waved at him as he entered the gates of the tall, black tower. "Welcome back! How did the mission go?"

He shrugged in response, not bothering to give a proper answer.

"Ah, never mind that, then! Have you met the new member?"

"No, and I don't want to," Kanda told her with a scowl. "I hate rookies. They're all useless cowards."

"Don't say that," Lenalee admonished as she whacked him playfully on the head with her clipboard. "Almost all of us in the Order have had troubled pasts. You can't blame rookies for being a bit scared. And besides, the new kid is really nice. He's so cheerful, even after all he's been through. Isn't that amazing?"

"Huh," Kanda scoffed. "He's probably just an idiot, then."

"Kanda, don't be such a—Oh! That's him, right there. Be nice and say hi." Lenalee pointed to a rather short, snowy-haired boy who was chatting with the cook. He looked rather slender and far too weak to hold his own in a fight, and if it hadn't been for the long, red scar that trailed down the left side of his face, Kanda wouldn't have thought that he could have possibly had any battle experience at all. Then again, the scar could have been from tripping over his own feet.

"Allen! How was your first day here?" Lenalee called to the newcomer. At her voice, he turned with a surprised look on his face and grinned.

"Not bad. Hevlaska surprised me, but everyone's quite nice here."

Lenalee laughed. "This is Kanda, by the way. He just got back from a mission. Oh, and just as a warning, even though he's rather grumpy most of the time, he usually means well."

"Don't just spout shit about me," Kanda scowled. "And why'd you even get such a scrawny bean sprout to join, anyways? I bet he'd die within the week."

Allen frowned. "I can assure you that I won't be dying anytime soon," he said. There was a slight trace of tension in his voice, so slight that Kanda almost thought he'd imagined it. Certainly, Lenalee hadn't noticed a thing.

"Sorry, that's just how Kanda talks," Lenalee said apologetically.

"Don't worry about it." Allen only shrugged and flashed a bright smile before waving a quick good-bye. "I'd stay longer, but have to go talk to Komui now," he said quickly, and Kanda narrowed his eyes as the younger boy left.

"See, wasn't he nice?" Lenalee asked, elbowing Kanda smugly.

The black-haired swordsman only stared in the direction that Allen had walked in. "I don't like him," he said finally after a long silence.

Lenalee rolled her eyes. "You don't like anyone," she told him pointedly.

"No, that's not what I mean." He scowled, but his voice was flat, and it held no trace of the irritation that was usually present. "That kid is trouble. You should stay away from him, or you'll get hurt."

"What do you mean?" Lenalee's eyes flew toward him in surprise at the serious tone of his words. "Why would you say that?"

Kanda gave her an odd look. "You didn't notice? Even though you're so good with people?" But the girl only shook her head, dumbfounded, and Kanda shrugged. "His eyes don't smile. He'll never think of anyone as a friend."

…

"I refuse," Kanda said curtly, but the bespectacled man in front of him paid him no attention.

"No complaints. You and Allen are to go on a mission together. The details are in this packet."

"Just send me alone. I don't need any rookies to slow the mission down. He'll probably die as soon as the monsters attack anyways," Kanda snapped. "He's too naïve and stupid."

"There's nothing wrong with defending your friends," Allen told him with a frown. "You shouldn't have been so callous about the deaths of those men."

"'Friend,' bean sprout? You're really not one to talk about 'friends,'" Kanda shot a nasty look at the younger boy.

"My name's _Allen_, if you can remember it with that tiny head of yours."

"Stop!" Komui slammed his fists on the table as the tension began to come close to getting out of control. He sighed wearily. "Look, Kanda, I know you two already got into a fight within… two hours of meeting each other, but a mission is a mission. Don't let petty squabbles interfere with your job. And anyways, I can assure you that Allen is more than capable of completing the mission."

"Fine," the dark-haired exorcist hissed before glaring at Allen. "But don't expect me to protect you or anything if you get into trouble. If you're a liability, I'll just leave you behind."

"Save your breath. I don't need protection," Allen shot back, a flicker of a raw but unreadable emotion passing through his eyes. For a moment, Kanda thought that he was seeing something real behind that pathetic mask, but the moment was gone as quickly as it came.

…

"Toma, right? That's your name?" Allen asked their guide, his ever-present smile on his face. The guide nodded.

"That's right. I'll be leading you through this mission, since you don't know the area. Do you have any questions?"

Allen flipped through the mission details quickly. "So we just have to defeat some demons that made a nest in the woods near the village? How many? What kind of demons?"

"Wolf-like ones," Toma told him. "The villagers thought they were normal wolves for a while, but they're much bigger and more vicious. Their teeth may be venomous, but we're uncertain. There's a pack of them. About nine or so, if I'm not mistaken."

Allen nodded and flashed another smile. Another bright but hollow and empty smile, Kanda thought, a scowl forming on his face. Was he really the only one who noticed? Everyone else seemed to be charmed by that farce, that ridiculous mask. Granted, his face was pretty, with the delicate, creamy skin and the bright silver eyes that looked like something out of an ancient myth. But all of it, it was so disgustingly fake.

"The villagers are safe?" He asked.

"Yes, there haven't been any casualties yet. A few men were injured when they tried to fight the demons, but they managed to escape with only a few scrapes and cuts."

"That's good. How long until we arrive?"

Toma checked his pocket watch. "Another five hours. Quite a while, so you should probably get some rest while you can."

With another nod, Allen sighed and sat down heavily in the seat across from Kanda, closing his eyes. Within minutes, the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed had fallen into a slow but steady pace, and the tension in his posture had relaxed. Tension, Kanda noted irritably, that he had not even seen until it was gone. The farce was a ridiculous one, but he'd be damned if he wouldn't admit, at least to himself, that the boy was good at it.

What was he hiding? Someone who looked so innocent to the world?

It was pointless and a waste of time to worry about such things, though. Resting his head against the window, Kanda also closed his eyes. He wouldn't be able to sleep, but at least he could try to rest for a few hours, he thought. Outside the window, the countryside passed by in a blur, and the carriage lurched dangerously with every spin of the wheels.

As soon as the train stopped moving, Allen's eyes flew open as if he had never been asleep, and he quickly stood up with no sign of sleep lingering in his movements. Had he really been asleep? It was easy to fake, after all… perhaps not for five hours, but it was still possible. Scowling, Kanda rose and followed him out of the train, shoving aside the rest of the passengers to pass through. That damned bean sprout, on the other hand, seemed to just melt into the crowd, gliding through the wave of human bodies as if it were nothing more than water. Damn him.

"Where's Toma?" Allen asked as they stepped off the train, but the guide appeared, looking rather disheveled, almost as soon as the words left his mouth.

"My apologies, I got stuck in the crowd," he said quickly, but the younger boy only laughed it off reassuringly. An irritatingly empty, robotic laugh.

"Shut up and get moving already," Kanda glared. Allen frowned but chose not to respond, and Toma nodded apologetically, quickly leading them out of the station and through a narrow path in the dense forests immediately outside. Why there was even a train station in the middle of nowhere was a mystery.

True to its description, the village they arrived at really was nothing more than a village. There could not have been more than thirty or so houses, and what little buildings existed were small and made of flimsy wood. The only building of any permanence or size was a brick one in the center, presumably the town hall of sorts. Toma led them to a wooden house near the brick one – a big one, in comparison to the others in the place – and knocked sharply three times. A woman, freckled and slightly plump, opened the door warily. She would have looked extremely content but for the fear that marred her face, and her eyes lit up when she saw the exorcists.

"Oh, thank goodness you're here!" She exhaled. "The demons have been ruining our lives! Our men can't go in the forest to get wood or hunt, our children can't go to play, and the women can't go to gather herbs or berries or water. And we're all afraid of an attack on the village."

"Don't worry, ma'am, it's our job to protect you," Allen told her with a smile. The smile was fake, but the words were real and full of unyielding steel. Kanda raised an eyebrow. So, despite the wall he had built around himself, he was still determined to protect others? Strangers, even? How odd.

"Thank you so much," the woman gushed with relief. "Please, do make yourself at home here. You must get a good night's rest so that you can do well tomorrow. You don't know how grateful we are to you for coming." Indeed, she did look close to tears. Kanda snorted. The weak were always so sentimental.

"Don't worry about it, ma'am. And besides, we're thankful to you for providing us with so much even when you don't have that much yourself," the younger boy said soothingly, flashing his most comforting smile. By this point, Kanda had already figured it out: the bean sprout had countless carefully prepared faces and voices that he pulled out for each situation. A soothing whisper, a sorrowful face, a cheerful grin. He really was a master at his craft. How many years had it taken to perfect all of those disgusting acts?

"Just cut it out," Kanda told him tersely as soon as they had reached their upstairs room. Toma was living in a different house, and it was just the two of them. With the tension already crackling in the air, it would be a miracle if they were both still alive when morning came.

"Cut what out?" Allen raised an eyebrow innocently.

"It's annoying. The way you talk."

"Well, I'm sorry if Your Majesty can't stand the sound of my voice," the younger boy told him dryly, a grimace tugging at the corners of his lips. Was that an act, too? It was hard to tell this time.

"I don't like liars."

"You're accusing me of being a liar?" Allen asked incredulously. "I haven't even said two words to you that might be a lie."

"You lie to _everyone,_" Kanda snapped. "Your existence is a lie. It's pissing me off."

A stunned look flitted across the younger boy's face for a brief moment, but then he only shrugged and flashed another smile. "Oh, that. It's supposed to make people feel comfortable. You're just weird. I don't see why it ought to bother you, anyways."

"I told you already, it's because I hate liars."

"Hm," Allen said dismissively as he sat down heavily on the bed. "I suppose I should congratulate you for noticing, at least. Most people don't. That makes you the second, I believe."

"Blind fools," Kanda muttered under his teeth. "Are you really even serious about that?"

"'That,' being what?" He asked tonelessly, not even bothering to affect any semblance of cheerfulness anymore as he lay down and closed his eyes.

"Protecting the villagers. Since you're a bastard who doesn't give a shit about anything, I don't see why you'd even bother."

"It's simple. They're weak, I'm strong. That's it." He told him without opening his eyes.

"Tch." Useless kid. His straight answers were even more confusing than his lies.

…

"No sign of any demons?" Allen asked, his voice flat and dull.

"Obviously not, bean sprout. Or do your eyes not work?" Kanda scowled. As soon as Toma had left them, the bean sprout had dropped his act. It was better than before, but still annoying as hell.

"They're called trees, dumbass. They block your view."

"Excuses. You're just too stupid to figure out how to see around them."

"Huh." The bean sprout had apparently gotten tired of arguing already.

"So this is how you are without that annoying mask?"

Allen raised an eyebrow. "What, any complaints? Would you prefer that?" He asked blandly.

"No. You're annoying either way," Kanda told him with a snort.

The younger boy merely shrugged and continued scanning the area slowly, looking for signs of any monsters. There didn't seem to be any claw marks or footprints, though, or even snapped branches and twigs. Everything looked as it should have.

Kanda drew his sword suspiciously, keeping his eyes open for any movement. The air was nearly trembling with tension and danger, despite the deceitfully peaceful forest. Situations like this were the most dangerous.

A distant shriek broke the silence, and in an instant, Allen had already darted in the direction of the scream. Kanda followed quickly, cursing. As they approached, the low sound of vicious growls filled the tense silence, and several abnormally large, grayish wolves with blood red eyes came into view. They circled around a young girl, frothing saliva dripping from their fangs.

"How did a villager get this far into the woods?" Kanda hissed.

"That's not a villager."

Narrowing his eyes, Kanda turned to Allen. "What do you mean?"

The younger boy's eyes did not leave the wolves as he spoke slowly. "That girl is a demon."

"What?" Kanda's voice rose slightly, but he hastily lowered it again. "She looks human! How can you tell, anyways, bean sprout?"

"Long story." The wolves had begun to approach the girl, and Allen activated his left arm, the previously gloved hand becoming a deadly metallic claw. Without so much as a warning, he sprang forward and slashed at the largest of the wolf demons, quickly rolling aside as they turned their attention to him. Ignoring the girl, Kanda also began attacking the wolves, trying to diminish their number before they got a chance to swarm.

The little girl had apparently never seen battle firsthand before, and she was pale and quiet and shaking terribly. Her lips had been drained of color, but when she opened her mouth, she released another piercing scream as the alpha wolf, half-dead and cornered, lunged at Allen in a last, bitter attempt at life.

Immediately, one of the remaining demons whipped its head around to snarl at the girl and leaped at her in one quick, fluid motion. Allen's head snapped up as soon as he heard the sound, and, faster than Kanda had ever thought humanly possible, he cut in front of the girl and blocked the wolf's teeth with his left arm. Metal though it was, the arm was left with a dent that, when deactivated, became a bleeding wound.

Kanda sliced cleanly through the fur and flesh and bone of the wolf's neck in one brutal slash before glancing around to survey the condition of the battle. There were only two or three of the smaller demons left, and he had only dispatched one before the rest turned heel and fled with high-pitched howls.

Allen had still not moved from that spot, and his snowy hair fell limply in front of his face, obscuring his expression. His right hand gripped his left arm tightly, the knuckles white and bloodless, and even from far away, Kanda could hear low, ragged breathing.

"Oi, bean sprout? Did you get poisoned or something? Didn't that useless guide say something about venom?"

Allen's head jerked up as soon as Kanda spoke, but his reply was as dull as usual. "Don't be ridiculous. There was no poison. That was just an over-exaggeration."

"A-are you alright?" The little girl spoke up, frightened at the blood that stained both exorcists. "I c-can t-try to heal you…" her voice faltered. Neither of them believed that she was capable of performing so daunting a task.

"Don't worry, just get home properly. You have to go all the way to the mountains, after all," Allen told her, slipping on his comforting smile effortlessly. It was a bit strained from the pain, but otherwise flawless. "I'll heal properly soon either way." Kanda chose not to say anything.

With stammered apologies, the little girl bobbed her head and stumbled away shakily, her eyes darting around as if expecting more wolves to appear. Once, she glanced back as if to make sure that the exorcists had not suddenly collapsed, but Allen waved reassuringly, and she was soon on her way again.

"It's alright to let her go?" Kanda asked dubiously.

"She has enough power to protect herself from humans, at least," Allen answered tonelessly with a shrug. "The mountains aren't that far away."

"You can walk?"

"I don't need any help." This time, his voice was curt. Kanda raised an eyebrow at the change, but chose not to comment on it.

After a few minutes, however, it became painfully apparent that the younger boy was not entirely capable of walking on his own, if his limp staggering was anything to judge by. The fingers curled around his left arm had begun digging into the skin, almost as if to keep himself awake. His gaze had become clouded, and Kanda doubted that he actually saw what was in front of him as he stumbled against a tree root in the way. Swiftly, the black-haired exorcist caught him, only to be shoved away roughly.

"I _said_ that I don't need any help," Allen forced out through gritted teeth.

"Really?" Kanda scoffed. "You're going at the pace of a snail, though. If you really don't need help, then I'll just go ahead."

"That would be preferable," the younger boy snapped, and Kanda scowled.

"Fine, then. Don't cry if you die of blood loss." He turned around brusquely and began walking away, but froze almost immediately as he heard a soft thump from behind. Allen had already lost the fight to keep himself conscious, it seemed, and his slender form lay in a crumpled heap on the ground.

"Bean sprout?" An irrational wave of fear rose as Kanda shook the younger boy, but he was still alive. Of course. His skin was feverish despite its paleness, though, and the bleeding of his arm showed no sign of stopping. The monster's teeth had probably been coated with some sort of anticoagulant, then. It wasn't a far stretch to imagine some sort of venom as well, no matter how the younger boy denied it.

With some effort, Kanda lifted the limp body onto his back, careful not to disturb the wound too much, and began carrying it back to the village. Progress was slow; there were too many tree stumps that protruded just enough to be dangerous, but weren't nearly high enough to be seen. It wasn't as if the body was heavy – on the contrary, it was suspiciously light – but even so, the extra weight, and the fact that he had to be careful not to agitate the bleeding, slowed things down quite a bit. By the time they'd finally made it out of the deeper parts of the forest, several hours had already passed.

At this point, Kanda felt the weight on his back shift as Allen began to stir. He was unprepared, though, for the younger boy's sudden, almost frantic shove as he struggled to disentangle himself from the dark-haired exorcist. Allen fell to the ground roughly, scattering dust and leaves, but he didn't seem to notice the pain.

"What's your problem?" He hissed viciously, his eyes unnaturally bright, like those of a cornered animal.

Kanda narrowed his eyes. "What's yours?" He snapped back. "You could have died if I'd left you there with that ridiculous injury."

"I don't need help, and I don't want any."

"Really?" Kanda asked darkly. "And I suppose fainting was part of your brilliant survival plan?"

The younger boy stiffened. "That was just a temporary problem."

"Tch." In no mood to argue, Kanda merely turned around and continued walking. Behind him, Allen quickly picked himself up and followed as best he could.

…

"Sir! What happened?" Toma, rushed over quickly from where he had been waiting at the edge of the forest; Allen had forbidden him from following.

"Nothing much. Just get some medicine or something," Kanda ordered before the younger boy could open his mouth, and the guide nodded hastily and scrambled away.

The woman from the night before paled when she saw the open wound, but to her credit, she merely swallowed before quickly assisting Allen up the stairs and heating a kettle full of water. Living in the wilderness had hardened the people of the village.

"Shall I fetch anything else?" She asked with concern, but Kanda shook his head. There wasn't much to do at this point but wait, seeing as there was no proper medical care to be had. Not that there was much even a proper doctor could do, he thought disdainfully. Demonic injuries didn't lie within the range of a regular doctor's medical knowledge.

Understanding the exorcist's nod, the woman quietly retreated. Allen was, once again, slipping into unconsciousness, and he barely noticed as Toma delivered all the medicine he could find. They were mostly herbal ointments mixed by the local midwife, but then again, those tended to work rather well. Kanda glanced at the younger boy, whose eyes had glazed over and were only half-open. Experimentally, he passed on hand in front of Allen's face, but there was no response. Probably unconscious, then. That made things easier, ironically enough.

The bleeding had, thankfully, begun to slow, and Kanda cleaned the wound as efficiently as he could without agitating it. There was a lot of blood, but most of it had soaked into the uniform, which he tore off and threw unceremoniously into a corner. The white shirt underneath was also blood-soaked, and that was discarded, too. Finally, he smeared some of the ointment on briskly before wrapping the injury in bandages. That would have to do it, then. He couldn't do anything about the possible poison at this point; the bean sprout probably had enough vitality to deal with that.

Almost gently, considering his normal behavior, Kanda laid the boy's head down on the soft pillow and drew the sheets up over him. At his touch, Allen obligingly closed his eyes and relaxed, and Kanda breathed a sigh of relief. At least the stupid bean sprout had some self-preservation instincts when asleep, it seemed. He couldn't for the life of him fathom why the damn kid was so adverse to being rescued. He had no problem with saving others, after all. What was he so afraid of, anyways? It was almost certainly the reason for that impenetrable wall he had built around his emotions. And yet, that very wall fell apart as soon as anyone tried to help him. A contradiction.

Irritably, Kanda tossed away his own uniform and fell into his own bed. It was useless to think about stupid things anyways, he scoffed as he closed his eyes. He just needed rest. That was it.

…

It was the middle of the night when a ragged cry woke Kanda. Disoriented, he scrambled for his sword as he faced an invisible enemy, but as he scanned the room, he quickly realized that the only other person in the room was the bean sprout.

"What happened?" He demanded, but Allen didn't respond.

Dropping the sword, he walked over and found that the younger boy was gripping his arm tightly again, this time so tightly that his nails had broken through the skin, and thin trails of blood trickled down only to seep into the bandages. His breathing was ragged and harsh, and he was sweating profusely. His skin also looked paler than before, but that could have been the moonlight.

"Oi, bean sprout? What are you doing?" Kanda reached out to shake the younger boy's shoulders, but a cold, damp hand, strong despite its shaking, stopped him.

"…ute…" Allen croaked inaudibly.

"What?" Kanda furrowed his eyebrows.

"One minute!" The younger boy gasped. "Don't ask… questions… Hurry!"

"Hurry and do _what?_" The black-haired exorcist found his patience thinning quickly. What was left of it, anyways.

Allen gestured weakly to his arm. "Tie it up, lock the door, and _get out._" He forced out as a sudden convulsion wracked his slender frame. "Hu…rry!"

Staring, Kanda found himself frozen to the spot for several minutes until another bloodcurdling cry snapped him out of his trance. Still unable to understand what was going on, he grabbed his hair tie and complied before he quickly moved to lock the door. As he was about to leave, though, he hesitated, but the look on the younger boy's face was enough to make him leave. He didn't know if he could stand to see that expression one more time.

"Sir! Is something wrong?" The woman had climbed the stairs, looking rather panicked. "The other exorcist, is he…?"

"Personal issues," Kanda answered tersely, not bothering to elaborate.

"Should I…?" She wavered, uncertain.

"Just go back to sleep."

The woman looked as if she wanted to protest for a moment, but, perhaps realizing that whatever was happening was beyond her understanding or control, she nodded quickly and left just as Kanda heard another agonized cry.

Standing outside and waiting was even more excruciating than being inside, he realized quickly, and he unlocked the door, almost dropping the key in his haste, and slipped inside. The younger boy had resorted to biting the sheets to muffle the sound, his face twisted in pain and his body shaking violently. The bandages had long fallen off, and the blood was flowing uncontrollably again.

This, then, was why he'd told Kanda to leave.

What, Kanda wondered as he stood frozen to the spot, did one do in a situation like this? His mind spun, but nothing seemed to come to him. What would Lenalee do, then? But he still couldn't imagine it. After what seemed like hours – it wasn't more than fifteen minutes, according to the clock – the muffled screams had subsided into ragged gasps, and the convulsions had stopped, though his slender body still trembled slightly, perhaps from exhaustion, perhaps from pain. Kanda untied Allen's left arm as quickly as he could before wiping off the blood, meaning to rewrap it in fresh bandages.

As the blood came off, however, it was clear that the wound was no longer there. He glanced sharply at the younger boy, who was still dazed.

"What just happened?" He demanded, deeply disturbed.

At the sound of his voice, Allen snapped out of his daze, his eyes flashing towards Kanda with raw panic. His arm snaked out to grip the collar of Kanda's shirt tightly, and his voice was desperate and threatening as he hissed, "_You didn't see anything. Do you understand?_"

Kanda pushed away the hand easily. "Explain what happened and I won't tell anyone," he snapped impatiently. "You're hardly in a condition to make demands anyways."

Allen narrowed his eyes but complied. "It's nothing amazing," he said tersely. "My weapon is parasitic, so I can heal quickly. It just hurts a bit more than normal. My body was ridding itself of the venom."

"Oh, so you admit there was poison?" Kanda commented sourly.

"Not enough to make a fuss over," Allen muttered under his breath before glaring at Kanda again. "This never happened, understand? And don't you _dare_ try to pity me. I don't need your help."

"Why are you so pigheaded about not accepting people's help, anyways? You don't seem to have any problems with protecting little girls or saving villagers." Kanda scowled irritably.

"The strong protect the weak. That's it."

Another ridiculous, vague answer.

"Fine, keep your secrets, then. We're heading back to headquarters in the morning."

…

"Morning." Cheerful as always, that voice. He hadn't heard it in a while. Suddenly filled with irritation, Kanda slammed the younger boy into a wall.

"What's with that voice?" He hissed.

Allen raised an eyebrow, still smiling. "Really, Kanda, why so touchy today? We completed our mission and got back to headquarters. Shouldn't you be happy about that?"

It was like nothing had ever happened. The same distance as before.

Kanda stormed away wordlessly, and Allen rubbed his slightly sore shoulder.

"Allen! You're back safely?" Lenalee had just walked by and spotted the snowy-haired exorcist. "Welcome back!"

He flashed her a quick smile. "Yeah, I'm back."

"That was Kanda walking away, wasn't it? Another fight?" Lenalee glanced in the dark-haired exorcist's direction.

Allen shrugged. "Pretty much."

"He really does mean well, you know," she told him. "Do try to make up. Anyways, I have to deliver this to Komui, so see you later!" She said wryly, nodding at the tray full of coffee cups in her hands before hurrying away.

"I know he means well," Allen murmured as she left. "That's why it's dangerous."

Because he couldn't allow himself to slip up again. In order to be strong. In order to survive.

…

It wasn't long before the bean sprout left on another mission, with Lenalee this time. And it wasn't until Lenalee came back, crying, that Kanda thought anything of it.

Lenalee always cried in his room, where she thought no one was looking. Of course, that wasn't true, because Komui and Lavi always somehow knew when Lenalee had been crying, but either way, it made all of them feel better, so Kanda put up with it. He wasn't a comforting person by nature, but then again, maybe that was why Lenalee chose to stay around him.

"What happened?" He asked bluntly.

"I thought we were friends!" She hiccupped, rubbing her eyes vigorously.

"Who?" Though Kanda thought he already knew.

"Allen! But—But he doesn't trust us at all, does he?" Her voice began to shake, and she sniffed. "That's what you said the first day."

"What did he do?"

His matter-of-fact tone seemed to calm Lenalee down somewhat, and though her voice was still unsteady, the last of the tears quickly dry as she wiped at them hastily. "Th-there were some kids caught up in the battle. We were in town. Then h-he went, all by himself…" She breathed in deeply as the tears threatened to break again. "He wouldn't let me help at all!"

Kanda didn't reply. To Lenalee, that refusal must have hurt the most.

"Kanda, you have to save him. Please!"

Kanda frowned. "What do you mean? What could _I _possibly do?" His tone was a bit harsher than he had intended as his own frustration spilled forth.

"He's completely alone, Kanda. He's built a wall all around himself. Just like you when you first came here."

Like me? Hardly.

"I'm sure that when he's alone, and cold, it hurts, it hurts so much, but he won't ever say anything. It's like he's desperately trying to prove something, to himself, to the world. Prove that he's strong."

"Prove that he's strong?" Kanda echoed as he stared at Lenalee, stunned.

"Even though he's injured so badly right now…"

…

The door to Allen's room flew open, hitting the wall with a loud crash, and Allen's eyes darted towards it as he looked at the black-haired exorcist who had walked in.

"What are you doing here? I locked the door," Allen told him with a dry smile.

"Komui gave me the key. And wipe that disgusting look off your face," Kanda told him with a scowl.

"Komui?" Allen raised his eyebrows, mentally making a note to have a conversation with the man later. "Anyways, if my face is annoying either way, I might as well use one rather than the other, right?" He smiled pleasantly as if to make his point.

"Whatever," Kanda glared at him. "I thought you said you could heal quickly? Why are you still injured?"

"I told you to forget about that," Allen frowned.

"That doesn't answer the question, bean sprout."

The younger boy merely shrugged. "The demon was a bit different this time. She was a Noah."

"How bad is it?" Kanda demanded bluntly.

"My, Kanda, I didn't know you were inclined to be concerned. It was my understanding that you're generally known as a cold-hearted bastard around here." Allen commented mildly, and it was at this point that Kanda lost his patience and yanked the sheets out of the way, eliciting a cry of protest from the younger boy.

He stared. Blood-soaked bandages coiled all around his torso and both his arms. What little skin was uncovered by cloth was colored with bruises; even the face was scraped and bruised, though Kanda hadn't thought that that would be an indication of the rest of his body as well.

Allen quickly snatched the blankets back from the other exorcist's frozen fingers and wrapped them around himself tightly. "I wasn't aware that you had such inclinations," he said with a tense smile, hoping the comment would drive Kanda away in disgust. But the black-haired exorcist didn't seem to hear.

"How bad is it?" He demanded again, more forcefully this time.

Allen let his smile slip away. "If you really must know, two stomach wounds and a slash up my side, and a few stab wounds on my arms," he listed off dully with even less emotion than what usually accompanied his orders of food at the cafeteria. "It won't take more than a month to heal, though. Don't worry, I won't be a liability."

Kanda kept staring. There was something off about his voice still. "That's a mask, too, isn't it?" He asked abruptly with a scowl. "That indifference of yours."

At this, the younger boy froze. "What do you mean?" He asked, his voice guarded.

"Lenalee says you're trying to prove yourself. Prove that you're strong. Isn't that what it is?"

Allen didn't speak for a few moments. "Lenalee's smarter than she lets on," he relented finally, but his lips twisted in a bitter smile. "Even if you know, though, what difference does it make? Since you're just curious, you should be satisfied now, right?"

Kanda narrowed his eyes. As soon as one wall crumbled, another was up in its place. An impenetrable fortress. How many layers of masks did he have prepared? What would it take to rip them all away?

"You're a liar," he said finally. "You lie to everyone, all the time, even yourself. You probably lie in your sleep, even."

"I'd prefer to call it 'acting.' I'm rather partial to the thespian arts."

"How long do you really think you can last with all these acts of yours? You'll run out someday."

Allen's lips twitched in the hint of a smile. "What, are you trying to declare war against me, Kanda? It'll take rather long, I assure you. A war of attrition. I won't break down for a long time yet."

"And when you do?" Kanda demanded, unsettled by the unreadable tone of his voice.

"There'll be nothing left then."

...

* * *

><p>...<p>

It took approximately 6000 words for me to actually explicitly state the theme of the story. xD I'm really good at getting to the point, aren't I?

Allen has a different personality in each of my fanfics, and Kanda's always just a bitch. I don't know which of them I should apologize to more. /snort. But whatever. And yes, AU is just a crappy excuse to screw up the timeline and everyone's backstories/personalities. Shh. xD

Sorry, Allen. I always give you such a screwed up life. But Kanda's already screwed up to start with, so you know...

Well, anyways, hope you enjoyed. xD And please review! And look forward to the next chapter, if you care to.


	2. Chapter 2

Warning: Lime. Not too bad, but still.

* * *

><p>...<p>

"_What did you say?_" Komui's desk shook dangerously as Kanda slammed his hands into it violently.

"Allen was captured in battle about a week ago…"

"How did this even happen?" The black-haired exorcist hissed murderously.

"We don't know for certain. He was alone on that mission. The last thing we know is that one of the golems picked up the energy traces of three extremely strong demons. Noah, probably."

"Shouldn't you be searching right now, then?"

"Well…" Komui shifted uncomfortably. "As much as we'd like to, we can't afford to send one person into one of the Noah strongholds alone, and you're the only exorcist not on a mission at the moment."

Kanda stared at him in disbelief for a moment and turned around wordlessly, stalking away. "I'm going," he said darkly before he left, his sword hanging from his belt, singing for blood.

Stunned, Komui blinked in his chair several times before he finally found his voice again. "Wait!" He called, but it was far too late. Kanda was long gone.

…

The Noah were the most mysterious and the most powerful of all the demons. If there were such things as the rulers of demons, then the Noah could be considered so, though they were far too capricious for any formal sort of rule. Still, all demons obeyed the Noah, and all humans feared the Noah.

They did not have any true home, but the closest things were the many Noah strongholds that dotted the country. The mysterious demons preferred to roam the country at their whims, sometimes attacking and sometimes blending in with humans, sometimes alone and sometimes in groups, and it was at these strongholds that they rested in between travels.

The closest one, Kanda knew, was on the highest mountaintop in the east. He waited impatiently as the train clanked in its direction, though it would only go as far as a coal mine in one of the nearby mountains. The rest of the way he'd have to travel by foot.

Now that he actually had time to think, he wondered dully why he hadn't waited after all. It was impossible for him or any exorcist to win against even one Noah, let alone three. But then again, waiting would have been even worse. He hated waiting powerlessly as the world kept spinning around him. Find the bean sprout and get the hell out: that was his plan, and that was all he needed.

The train lurched to a stop in front of a rocky cliffside ledge dotted with heaps of coal. One trail led downwards toward the mine; the other led upwards. Not even pausing to look around, Kanda headed upwards toward the tallest mountain. There was one village along the way – the village that housed the workers of the mine. It was barely populated, but at least it existed, in the worst case scenario… involuntarily, Kanda shuddered. From the cold, he told himself.

The path that wound through the mountains seemed to stretch on endlessly; the only way to tell how long he'd been traveling was the from location of the sun. After a few hours, the dull crunch of his boots into the powdery snow became monotonous, almost like the ticking of a clock, counting the seconds as he walked. Onwards and onwards, until the last rays of the sun had begun to fall silently, dyeing the snow a burning orange. Suddenly, a shadow fell over him, and he looked up in surprise. He had already approached the fortress without noticing.

It was only a single, wide tower, with a spire that curled elegantly upwards into the sky, impossibly tall. It looked empty, and it felt empty. Suspicious, Kanda pushed open the large wooden door, but it swung forward slowly with an echoing creak. Still, no demons appeared.

He checked each room as he came upon it, but ten stories up, neither Noah nor human had yet appeared, though the whole tower was filled with some sort of sickly sweet smell. Frowning, he wondered vaguely why they'd even bothered to capture Allen rather than killing him. The Noah were older than human memory, even, and he doubted he would ever understand their whims.

The last door on the highest floor swung open heavily, and in the darkness, Kanda nearly missed the figure in the corner.

"Bean sprout?" He blinked. The snowy white hair was unmistakable, though.

At the sound of his voice, Allen's head jerked upwards, a look of shock flashing across his face, quickly replaced by a grimace. "Why are you here?" He asked. Kanda thought with a bitter smugness that, at least, his presence had elicited _some_ sort of response.

"I think I'd like to ask that question of you," he said tartly. "Why are you here, alone, in some random tower?"

"Alone?" Allen asked with some surprise. "So they left, then. That's good," he sighed in relief.

As Kanda drew near, he winced at the sight of the various cuts and bruises on the younger boy's body. All fresh. "Why haven't you escaped yet?" He demanded.

"I'd try," Allen told him dryly, "but I can't really move right now." His voice sounded tired, but he didn't bother to hide it. Perhaps that was an improvement.

Kanda narrowed his eyes. "Drugged?" He asked.

"Something like that."

"Why did they want you?"

Allen flinched almost imperceptibly at the question. "Not sure," he lied smoothly with a placid smile. "The Noah are known for being whimsical, after all."

"Liar." But Kanda decided against pressing any further and lifted the younger boy onto his back. Allen grimaced but didn't – and couldn't, for that matter – try to get away like last time.

"So even you have a breaking point, huh?" Kanda asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Hardly. This way is just faster."

"Not that you have a choice," Kanda muttered, but Allen didn't bother to respond.

They arrived at the village in the dead of night, but thankfully, for one reason or the other, the only innkeeper there was easily roused. The mountains give us too many stray travelers, he explained, and that was that. Certainly, he did not give either Allen's strange features or beat-up condition more than a spare glance, nor did he seen to be offended by Kanda's terse attitude.

"Although," he said with a good-natured grin, "It's just mah opinion, but yer really shoul' take care o' yer lass more 'n that, er she'll leave ya soon enough." Having apparently satisfied himself with the comment, he dropped the keys in Kanda's hand.

"I'm not a girl," Allen snapped reflexively, irritated.

The innkeeper snorted. "Coulda fooled me. Even our _women_ don' look tha' girly," he muttered under his breath, but he didn't quite succeed in keeping his voice low enough to avoid being heard by the fuming exorcist.

"Don't get so ruffled up over such little things," Kanda told the still-furious younger boy as they went up the stairs, hiding his own smirk. "Anyways, can you move now?"

"No," Allen responded bitterly. "I don't think my nerves will start to heal for another couple of hours."

"Nerves…?" Kanda's voice suddenly turned icy. "I thought you said they were just drugs?"

"You said that, actually. And they were drugs. Just more destructive ones."

"Say this sort of thing earlier!" Kanda glared, a bit unsuccessfully, as he lowered the younger boy onto one of the small but rather soft beds in the room.

"It's not like it makes a difference," Allen shrugged, his voice indifferent. "Anyways, just go to sleep. Nothing will happen this time. It's just a bit of internal damage."

Recognizing that tone of voice, Kanda obligingly sank into his own bed and closed his eyes, but remained alert for any sort of noise. It didn't take long; barely two hours in, he heard a soft, muffled gasp and turned his head.

"So you were hiding something," he said with a scowl, getting up quickly. "What's up this time?"

Allen shot him a dark look. "Didn't I tell you to go to sleep?"

"I don't see why I should listen to a stupid bean sprout. Answer the question."

The younger boy grimaced with distaste, but his expression slipped as he flinched when cloth brushed against pale skin. "Just a bit of… hypersensitivity. Nerves healing," he answered, his voice strained and his body tense.

"At least sit up properly," Kanda said with a frown, moving to help him up. But as his hand touched the Allen's shoulder, the younger boy let out a sharp gasp in surprise.

"Don't touch!" He shot out, flustered.

"Does it hurt?" Kanda asked, trying not to sound too concerned.

"No," Allen admitted. "It just feels… weird. I've gotten… used to it… though."

"It's happened before?" The dark-haired exorcist's fingers twitched instinctively for his sword before he remembered that it wouldn't do much good at the moment.

"A… bit. Shouldn't be… more than… an hour…" His words were becoming increasingly punctuated with ragged breaths of air as it became more and more difficult to hold his body perfectly still. His hands clenched tightly around the blankets, and he bit his lower lip until it was dangerously close to bleeding.

"Stop doing that!" Kanda ordered as he grabbed the younger boy's wrist, drawing a faint cry from the boy. "Just relax."

"Easier… said than… done…" Allen breathed hoarsely, his face flushed from the exertion. Nonetheless, he did try, at least, to loosen his tense body, and Kanda felt him relax considerably.

"How is it now?" The dark-haired exorcist asked finally after a long silence.

"Better. Almost normal. Still a bit sensitive." His response was terse, but his breathing was much more regular than before.

Kanda exhaled in relief. "You really are a lot of trouble, bean sprout," he muttered off-handedly.

As soon as the words left his mouth, however, Allen stiffened unexpectedly, alarm flashing through his eyes. There was a dull crack as he scrambled away, hitting the wall in his haste and crumpling to the floor.

"Oi, what's with that reaction?" Kanda snapped, stunned by the younger boy's inexplicable sudden vehemence.

"I do apologize for the inconvenience I may have caused, but I assure you that it was completely unnecessary. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself," Allen mumbled, his voice perfectly monotonous.

"What's the use of pretending _now_, bean sprout?" He hissed, irritation and fury welling up inside him. Before the younger boy could react, he stalked toward the other exorcist and leaned down, pressing his hand roughly against the boy's chest. "You're already in this state! Stop being stubborn for once!"

Allen flinched, but his expression remained carefully flat, though his voice was starting to become strained. "Like I said, I'm sorry for imposing on you, but you were the one who insisted. Even if you hadn't bothered to stay, I would—" He was cut off as Kanda's fingers pressed roughly against his skin, and his words became a strangled gasp.

"No one's being fooled by this ridiculous farce," the older exorcist told him harshly. "I could do anything, _anything_ to you right now and you wouldn't be able to do a thing about it."

Allen stiffened beneath him. "What's that supposed to mean?" He forced out, glaring venomously. But underneath the anger, there was an unmistakable flash of fear.

"Figure that out yourself," Kanda's other hand moved to brush roughly against the fabric over the skin of his inner thigh. Alarmed, the younger boy tried to push him away, straining against his weight, but he didn't have nearly enough strength left to do so. His arms shook with exhaustion and effort, but all Kanda felt was a weak pressure against his chest.

His fingers kept torturing the younger boy's still-oversensitive skin with soft strokes. "Sto… ah… stop!" Allen gritted his teeth immediately, cursing himself for allowing his protest to falter, and cursing his body for responding. After a deep breath, he tried again, struggling to keep his voice as steady as possible. "This is… an awful lot… to do just to piss… someone off…" He bit his lip to suppress a small cry as a particularly tender part of his skin was pressed against.

"I'd stop if you'd just admit that you need my help." Kanda said flatly.

"I thought you… made it a policy… not to do… troublesome things… ah!"

"It's even more irritating when you act like everyone should just nod and look away if you smile innocently. Don't you dare look down on me like that, bean sprout!"

"And this is… supposed to be… revenge…?" As soon as the words left his mouth, though, his eyes widened as Kanda pinched his skin cruelly. Allen's hands, which were still in the middle of trying to push away the dark-haired exorcist, curled into fists as he bit back a whimper of pain.

"Don't change the subject. Stop being stubborn and just give up. Why is it so hard to admit that you need help?"

The younger boy kept his lips firmly sealed, though his eyes were squeezed shut as he fought the overwhelming waves of conflicting sensations in his body. Slowly, he let his arms fall limply, his eyes still tightly closed. "Fine, then," he mumbled dully. "Do whatever you want. It's just sex, after all. Nothing but physical gratification."

Kanda stared at him incredulously. "Is that what you really think?" He snapped viciously. Furious, he stood up abruptly and stormed back to his own bed. "Fine. Just keep everything bottled up. Keep pretending. See if I care," he spat before throwing the covers over himself.

Even at a time like this, how could that bean sprout keep his fortress so impenetrably close? Infuriatingly unbreakable, always just slightly out of reach.

Kanda heard, rather than saw, Allen pick himself off the floor tiredly a few minutes later, his feet dragging on the floor. He fell into the mattress with a heavy thump, and there was the rustle of cloth as he drew his blankets over him, his breathing still ragged and hoarse.

Still pretending to be fine. Still pretending that he could save himself. _It's just physical gratification_, he had said. It wasn't physical strength that the bean sprout was preoccupied with, Kanda realized. He just couldn't stand the thought of being protected by someone else, of being emotionally dependent on someone else. Friendship, making bonds… all of those were terrifying to him.

Kanda wasn't much of a "friendship" sort of person, but he thought that that had to be the most pitiful situation he'd ever encountered. To be afraid of something like that… He shuddered slightly. He wondered with frustration, and not for the first time, what it would take to tear away those walls that Allen had built up between himself and the world. What would it take for Kanda to say something, and actually be heard?

…

"Oh, thank goodness, the both of you are back safely," Komui breathed a sigh of relief. "When Kanda stormed out furiously saying he was going to find you, I thought that'd be the last I ever saw of you two."

Kanda scowled at him and said tersely, "I don't die that easily. Anyways, here's your damned bean sprout, so get out of my face." And with that, he turned wordlessly and stalked out of the room.

"By the way, Allen, I'd like to have a word with you, if you don't mind," Komui called as the younger exorcist also turned to leave.

"Sure," Allen said, but he stiffened slightly.

"I don't mean to accuse you or anything, but is there some sort of history between you and the Noah? They seem to be after you. I mean, we haven't had any issues with them for years, and suddenly there are two incidents in two months. And they're both related to you."

"They're not after me," Allen said flatly. "The Noah don't concern themselves with human affairs."

"But then why…?"

"I'm interesting to them. It's like a kid with an interesting toy. If they see it, they play with it a little, and when they get bored, they leave."

"… I see," Komui nodded tiredly. "I'm afraid I don't really understand, but as long as it's nothing serious. Get some rest, then. You probably need it."

"Can I ask a favor?" Allen asked quickly, and Komui raised an eyebrow. "I heard that there's an unassigned mission to investigate strange occurrences in one of the eastern cities. May I take that mission?"

Komui frowned and shrugged. "If you want to. It seems like a relatively simple one, so it won't be a problem for you even if you're not in top condition. Still, get a bit of rest before you go."

Allen nodded shortly. "Thanks," he said before walking out the door. He considered leaving for the mission right away, but he knew that for what he needed to do, he would have to get some rest after all, so he quickly walked to his room to take a nap before leaving.

…

"Rhode, I know you're there." Allen called out into the darkness from the rooftop of a tall building. The city stretched out beneath him, with all of its crowds and festive lanterns and lively noise, even in the middle of the night. It was a familiar scene, even though he hadn't been back here for years.

"Allen, what are you doing here?" The voice hung disjointedly in the air for several moments before a young girl with dark skin and hair appeared as if from nowhere and leaped lightly down onto the building, looking nothing like the ancient demon that she was. "Didn't you see enough of me already last time? I heard you couldn't move for a month afterwards," she said with a smirk.

The exorcist pulled off his glove in one fluid motion, narrowing his eyes. "I'm not giving up until I get what I want."

Rhode sighed with mock weariness. "Everyone in your little Order thinks that we're after you, when in reality, you're the one that keeps pestering us. Really, dear Allen, don't you get tired of the pain after a while? I heard Lulu, Tyki, and Skin locked you up in a tower last time you went to bug them."

"It doesn't matter. I'll fight for as long as I have to."

"Speaking of which, how did you get away?" The dark-skinned girl asked with sudden interest, her golden eyes gleaming. "You shouldn't have been able to move. You were supposed to die slowly within twelve hours as the poison in the air slowly seeped into your bloodstream. You couldn't have survived unless someone rescued you, but since it's you, you'd rather die than be rescued."

"That's not the point," Allen snapped. "Are you going to fight or what?" He slashed at her with the claws on his left hand, but she merely laughed as she dissolved into the darkness, appearing again right behind him.

"You know that what you do is contradictory, right? You hate being protected because you want to be strong and survive, and yet you'd rather die than be rescued by someone else. If you _really_ wanted to survive, you'd cling to life no matter what."

"Shut up!" Allen yelled, whirling around to slash again. To no avail, of course. "It's not like you'd understand, anyways!"

"You're right, I don't understand. And I'm still curious as to how you got away," Rhode nodded decisively. "I hope you don't mind if I take a little peek inside your mind, then," she said sweetly, reaching forward to place an icy hand over Allen's heart. He froze, his eyes widening as his vision went black.

…

When he woke up again, he was in a dark, windowless room. The dull noise from outside, muted by the walls, told him that he was still somewhere in the city, but he had no way of knowing exactly where. He tried to stand up, but his wrists were bound behind his back, and his ankles were tied together. He was sorely tempted to activate his arm, but he might have just ended up piercing himself. That would be a horrible way to die.

"You know, I was originally planning to just stab you and let you bleed to death on the street, but after taking a little peek at your thoughts, you were just too interesting to waste like that," an amused voice said from the corner of the room. Allen jumped in alarm.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He hissed.

Rhode stood up and stretched widely before stepping daintily towards him and leaning down in front of him, lifting his chin with one cold finger until his eyes met hers. "Poor little boy, you're feeling a bit confused, aren't you?" She purred.

"I am not!" Allen snapped reflexively.

"Really? Haven't you been saved by that odd angry-looking exorcist twice already?" Rhode grinned maliciously. "And you couldn't do a thing about it."

"Don't be ridiculous! I would have done fine on my own whether or not he had interfered!"

"And," the dark-haired girl continued, laying her other hand on the boy's chest lightly, "You let him get close that time. Closer than you ever meant for anyone, human or demon, to get," she whispered silkily as her fingers trailed over his pale skin, leaving no doubt as to what she was referring to.

"I did not," Allen glared. "No closer than you are right now. It doesn't matter."

"Really?" Rhode murmured, her breath warm on his ear. "Because, you know, your moans from back then were much more delicious." She was rewarded as the younger boy stiffened.

"That had nothing to do with it!" He hissed. "It was because of those damned toxins that Tyki had! Don't twist things around as you please, Rhode Camelot!"

"I'm not twisting things," Rhode said, leaning back as a smirk danced on her lips. "I can get inside your mind, hear your very thoughts. You can lie to yourself, Allen, but you can't lie to me. You _liked_ it. And even now, you're wondering if Kanda will notice you're missing, if he might come save you. Isn't that right?"

"No!" Allen jerked back abruptly, his head hitting the wall behind him with an ominous crack in his haste. "You're lying!"

"Demons don't lie. Only humans do, and you the most among them. I was wrong before—it's not about survival with you, is it? You just want to believe that you're not the same little boy who was abandoned by his own father all those years ago, so you put up all those walls, you lie to everyone around you, even yourself. You're playing mind games with yourself."

"_No! That's not true!_"

"Isn't it? Then prove me wrong. If you can, that is." She laughed sadistically before standing up and dusting herself off, then disappearing slowly into the shadows.

"She's lying. She's lying. She's lying," Allen muttered to himself as if it were some sort of sacred mantra. He struggled to sit up properly before twisting his left hand as far away from him as possible and activating it. A cold wave of energy throbbed through its veins for a moment, and he shuddered, but soon the flesh had become cold metal.

Roughly, he used the sharp blades of the claws to rip apart the ropes around his wrists, flinching as they dug into his skin in the process. Warm blood trickled down his arm, and he hastily deactivated his arm and tore off part of his shirt to staunch the flow. It wouldn't be long before it healed anyways.

As he stood up, he realized that he must have been tied up for quite a while, as his legs were unsteady and more or less useless. He was forced to lean against the wall and wait until they felt normal again before stumbling forward and rattling the doorknob anxiously.

Locked, of course. He bit his lip. If he tore apart the wall, that might attract unwanted attention, and besides, he didn't even know how high up he was. After a brief debate, he ended up using his claws to tear through the wall anyways. He was lucky—it was only the second floor. He jumped down, landing heavily on his feet. The impact hurt, but only because his legs were still unwieldy.

"So you did manage to escape, huh?" A male voice drawled from behind him. He spun around in alarm, tensed for battle.

Tyki stepped out of the shadows casually, raising his eyebrows. "Don't point that weapon at me, boy. When will you learn? We're Noah. We're hundreds, thousands of times older and more powerful than you. You can't possibly defeat a Noah. And as amusing as you are, frankly, I'm getting tired of being pestered by you every few years. Your years are like seconds to us, you know."

"I'm still alive, aren't I? Maybe you're not as powerful as you think you are," Allen shot back. "I'll absolutely get what I want someday."

"Boy, give up on that. You can't accomplish anything with a wish like that. I've met plenty of humans who have tried," The dark-skinned man sighed wearily. "No one ever seems to learn, though."

Ignoring the Noah's words, Allen lunged forward, slashing as hard as he could, but his arm only went right through the ancient demon. From behind, Tyki grabbed his wrist easily and twisted his arm back, and the younger boy gasped with pain as he fell on his knees.

"See? You really should give up. You can't even touch us with that weapon of yours. I'm actually amazed that you'd still try when you haven't made any progress for years."

"I have to… try," Allen coughed before staggering to his feet again, but before he could move, Tyki slashed at him with a knife that had suddenly appeared in his hands. The younger boy sank to his knees in disbelief as blood spurted out from a gash along his stomach.

"You don't know when to give up, do you? See, you're one of those who prefer pain because you don't know how to deal with pleasure, and that's irritating to me. Ideologically incompatible with my belief system. So it's not that I dislike you personally, per se, I just can't stand people like you."

With a half shrug, Tyki turned and walked away, leaving the younger boy in a heap on the cold concrete.

"Happy?" The dark-skinned man asked dryly as Rhode approached, a satisfied smile on her face.

"Yeah. Good job, Tyki-pon~ I knew I could count on you."

"Honestly, I don't know why you're going to such trouble," Tyki told her, shaking his head. "I thought you liked to play rough. None of this wishy-washy human stuff about _feelings_ and whatnot."

"You'd understand if you could get into his head," Road grinned, licking her lips. "He's so _interesting._"

"Whatever. I don't care as long as he stops bugging me all the time." Tyki waved dismissively and turned to leave.

…

"Allen, what on earth …!" Lenalee nearly stumbled out of her chair as she rushed over to help the wounded exorcist. "You should have called someone to help you get here!"

"Er, no, it's fine," he breathed raggedly. "I just need to rest for a few days."

"But all that blood… It looks serious. Komui—"

"It's fine," he said quickly, cutting her off with a weak smile. "Don't worry. I'm safe now, after all, right?"

"Right…" Lenalee bit her lip but kept silent. Allen refused to lean against her despite his staggering, but she trailed slightly behind anyways in case he fell. She breathed a sigh of relief as they finally reached his room, and he sank into the mattress heavily.

"Thanks, Lenalee," he said, flashing her a smile. It was a charming smile, but after Kanda's words, she couldn't see it as anything but a hollow mask. "Where is Kanda, by the way?" He asked, almost as if he could read her thoughts.

"Kanda?" Lenalee blinked. "He's on a mission. He'll be back in two days, I think."

"I see." Allen said with a quick nod. "Thanks."

"Call us if you need anything, okay?" She told him as she closed the door behind her, knowing that the call would never come.

...

* * *

><p>Whee~ This chapter is my personal favorite, by the way.<p>

By the way, I am well aware that my logic is completely fucked up. In real life, please remember that attempted partial rape ≠ caring and affection under any circumstances whatsoever, unless they happen to be the exact ones described above. With the same people. (And just in case your computer can't read the symbol or something, that says "NOT equal to.") Because, you know, both Allen and Kanda are so screwed up that normal rules of logic don't apply to them. So, basically, rape=not good. Yeah. Not that I'm trying to say that you didn't know that already, of course. Just don't want any misunderstanding.

On a totally unrelated side not, my brain is totally fried from trying to think of good plots for Yullen Week themes. I really am so tempted to just write a drabble or something. But I dun really like drabbles. And some of these themes are _hard. _I think I'll stick to fanart for the optional ones, though, cuz this fandom needs loooots more fanart. Seriously. xD

Anyways, hope you liked and thanks for reading! xD And please review! :D


	3. Chapter 3

Warning: Implied lemon. Not much stuff this time, though, compared to the last chapter.

* * *

><p><em>...<em>

_"Bandits!" The frightened cry rang through the small village. Allen, barely eight at the time, heard the sound of gunshots and horses, but he couldn't understand what was going on._

_"Quick, we have to get out of here!" The man who had picked him up out of pity years ago grabbed his hand hastily, pulling him out of their small, wooden house and into the woods._

_"What's going on?" Allen asked, trying his best to keep up despite his small, unsteady strides._

_"People are attacking," the old man answered shortly. He would have continued, but a loud bang followed by a scream interrupted him. The crackling of fire began to fill the air, and even from far away, Allen could feel the heat on his face. He didn't understand. What was happening? A sob rose in the back of his throat._

_There was another bang, and then the rest was all a blur. He vaguely remembered his foot catching on a tree root and his small hand slipping out of the old man's as he crashed to the ground. He tried to call out, but the deafening roar of the fire and the piercing screams in the air drowned him out. The old man kept running, never noticing the child he had left behind._

_The fire never spread to the forest, but Allen learned later from the rescuers that the old man had been killed by a bandit along the way. By then, he could barely even remember the old man's face. It was mild amnesia, they told him. Probably a result of a concussion from his head wound. Not that he understood._

_All he knew was that it felt cold. Terribly, terribly cold._

_..._

"The bean sprout is injured _again?_" Kanda scowled as Lenalee sighed, running her fingers through her dark hair wearily.

"Well… yes. I thought you might want to visit him."

"Why would I want to visit him?" He snapped irritably.

"I don't know. I thought you were rather fond of him, though," Lenalee said with a frown. "And besides, he was asking where you were."

"The bean sprout was?" Kanda asked, stunned.

"Yeah. So I thought he might feel better if you saw him…"

"I'm still not going," Kanda told her shortly, stalking off in the direction of his own room.

…

_You let him get close. Closer than you ever meant for anyone, human or demon, to get._

Rhode's words echoed tauntingly inside his head, no matter how he tried to ignore them. _That's not true. It was because my nerves were healing_, he argued pathetically to the voice that wouldn't even respond. _Besides, it's just physical gratification. It doesn't matter. I'm not allowing him to get close at all._

_Oh, really? Prove it, then._

"Fine!" He shouted at the voice in his head, his own yell bouncing around the dark room as if to mock him.

"Who the hell are you talking to, bean sprout?" An irritated voice—a real one, this time—asked from the doorway. Allen glanced up in alarm, and a smooth smile quickly settled over his features.

"Kanda, you're back? And you came to visit?"

"No. Lenalee forced me to." A bit of a lie, but what the bean sprout didn't know couldn't hurt him.

The younger boy looked like he wanted to say something for a minute, but he bit his lip and stopped. "Kiss me," he said suddenly, impulsively, an almost wild edge to his voice. Kanda stared, dumbfounded.

"And why," he responded acidly when he'd gotten over his shock, "would I do that? You don't honestly expect me to believe that you suddenly want to be showered in love and affection, do you?" Although, to be honest, he didn't know what to believe at the moment.

"It's got nothing to do with love and affection," Allen told him patiently, his voice flat. "It's just a physical action that generally precedes procreation. It's completely separate from some sort of emotion."

"If that's what you want to think, then go ahead, but I'm not helping you fool yourself," Kanda snapped, a twinge of bitterness making his voice harsher than he'd intended. "I won't dance to your idiotic music like some mindless doll."

"A doll? No, that's not what I meant. You're frustrated, right?" Allen gave him an odd look. "Otherwise, why would you have done that back in the mountains?"

"If I'm _frustrated,_ it's because you're a fucking retard," Kanda shot at him furiously before he realized what the younger boy meant and blanched. "You think I need _sex?_" He asked incredulously. "Why on earth would…" Oh. Right. He scowled and said irritably, "I assure you, bean sprout, that I am not and have never been frustrated by anything like that."

"At any rate, you're hardly adverse to the idea, right?" The younger boy pressed, annoyingly insistent for once. "Seeing as you were the one who initiated contact."

"That and this are two different matters entirely," The dark-haired exorcist glared. "And stop using such indifferent words. Do you even _know_ what you're suggesting?"

"Of course I know. I'm not stupid," Allen blinked, a bit offended. "And what does it matter what kind of words I use?" At this, Kanda's already thin patience snapped.

"It matters," he hissed, "because the things you say and the words that come out of your mouth don't fucking match. You don't know a single thing about what you're saying."

Without warning, his lips slammed against the younger boy's in a harsh kiss, and Allen's mouth opened in surprise. His tongue entered forcefully, and the younger boy gave a muffled gasp as his mind blanked out, and he arched his body into the other exorcist's involuntarily.

After several moments, Kanda finally released the younger boy. "_This _is what you're talking about," He said harshly. "Not some scientific bullshit. And I don't think that I've sunk so low as to eagerly fuck a stupid bean sprout because he wants to prove a point." Spitting the last words out disdainfully, he spun around and stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

Allen lay perfectly still on the bed, still breathless and unable to think, his mind whirling in confusion. _Shit._ This wasn't how it was supposed to have happened. It was supposed to have been quick and easy. No matter how it felt, it shouldn't have interfered with his thoughts, with his mind. What had gone wrong?

_Calm down. It doesn't mean anything._ So physical sensations were more closely connected to the brain than he'd thought. That didn't change anything. That didn't change anything at all. It wasn't as if he felt _affection_ for the other exorcist because of it. It was ridiculous to think that anyone could fall in love because of something like this.

…

"Rhode, he's got it backwards," Tyki sighed impatiently as the dark-haired girl laughed.

"I told you he's interesting."

"Not really, just stupid. That old man of his really fucked up his head, didn't he? I almost feel sorry for the poor kid."

"You want to open the 'gate' for him, then?" Rhode asked with a mischievous grin. "It takes two Noah to open it, after all."

"No," Tyki scowled at her. "You know what happened the last time I opened the 'gate' for someone."

"Aww, still heartbroken?" The dark-haired teased lightly.

"Not really. I just dislike pain. And anyways, I thought you didn't care for humans, Rhode."

"I don't," she affirmed. "But little Allen's so _interesting._"

"That's what you said last time, too. It's all about the fun with you, isn't it?" Tyki shook his head wryly and shrugged. "Although I suppose he's not as irritating as he used to be. And Lulu would be proud of him. She thought he was as sexually inclined as a starfish. So did I, for that matter."

"Aww, don't pretend, you know you like him too. Otherwise, why would you have pulled that stunt at the tower? You wanted to see if someone would rescue him before he died from poison, right?"

Tyki rolled his eyes. "You're too nosy for your own good. I was just curious as to whether anyone would bother. After all, he's the first human to have pestered us so persistently."

"So will you help?" Rhode asked, giving him the most pitiful look she could muster.

"Well, it's not like I've had anything interesting to do on this side of the century. As long as I don't have to open the 'gate,' I don't mind."

"Then it's a deal." Rhode grinned in anticipation.

…

"Yuu, is it just me, or has Allen been avoiding you for the past week?" Lavi commented as the bean sprout quickly walked out of the room under the pretense of an errand as soon as he saw Kanda.

The dark-haired exorcist glowered. "I wouldn't know what's passing through that idiot's head," he snapped irritably.

"Geez, you've been touchy all week," the redhead complained. "If you're so bothered by it, then just go ask him what's up or something."

"I'm not bothered by it!"

"Sure, sure." Lavi rolled his eyes indulgently. "Whatever you say, Yuu."

It was true, Kanda admitted to himself as he fell into contemplation. His mood had been getting worse and worse since the beginning of the week. He had always hated so much the distance between him and the bean sprout, and it hadn't taken long before he'd realized that his irritation grew in proportion to how far away Allen was. Before, it'd been annoying because of that stupid act that the younger boy always had, but at least he'd always been within reach physically. Before, at least, if Kanda had said something, he could have gotten a response.

Now he was lucky if he received any more than a mumbled excuse to leave. Now he was lucky if their eyes met for more than two seconds a day. He hadn't meant for this to happen. He'd just been so irritated when the younger exorcist had spoken with such cold words that he'd wanted, in the heat of the moment, to shatter that mask as utterly and completely as he could, but forcing himself on the younger boy had only created the opposite effect.

"I do stupid things when I get angry," Kanda muttered furiously to himself, forgetting the presence of the redhead beside him.

Lavi's mouth dropped open in disbelief. "Did I really just hear you say that?" He asked, dumbfounded. "I'm hallucinating, aren't I?"

"What?" Kanda scowled at him, shaken from his daze. "Did you say something?"

"No. Never mind." For once, the junior bookman decided to listen to his common sense and shut up, if for no other reason than to continue observing whatever had gotten into his best friend.

Kanda exhaled frustratedly. He really would have to apologize, as alien as the act was to him. He was no good at "talking about feelings" like Lenalee was, but, after a week's worth of torture, he was absolutely certain that he couldn't live another like this one.

When had it become like this, he wondered dully. Since when, and why, had he become unable to function without the presence of another person? Was it the way the bean sprout always seemed so fragile, or the way he always tried to be so strong? Had it been inevitable since the day they met, or had it slowly crept on him, unnoticed?

He didn't know. And he didn't care, as long as he could reach him in the end. He inhaled deeply, trying to build up his resolve when his thoughts were shattered by a panicked cry.

"Kanda, Lavi! Allen! Allen, he…"

"Lenalee?" The redhead asked with concern as Lenalee ran up to them breathlessly, a note of hysteria in her voice.

"What happened?" Kanda demanded, his fingers already flying to the hilt of his sword.

"Allen, he _resigned!_ From the Order!"

…

"Are you serious? You're really going to open the 'gate' for me?" Allen asked in disbelief as he struggled to keep up with the two ancient demons traveling in front of him, the night wind biting at his cheeks.

Rhode bounced back to allow him to catch up. "We told you that we're going to grant your wish, didn't we?" She asked in a sing-song voice. "Demons never lie."

"Why the sudden change of heart?" The younger boy asked suspiciously.

Tyki sighed in exasperation. "Seeing as you've already turned in your resignation letter and followed us halfway across the damn country, I don't really see what the point in being suspicious _now_ would be."

"Fine," Allen scowled.

"So why do you want to open the 'gate'?" Tyki asked curiously. "Rhode won't tell me, even though she knows. And before you say that it's none of my business, you ought to remember that I'm the one granting your wish," he added as the younger boy opened his mouth.

"Fine," Allen snapped again. "I just wanted to ask my old man a question."

"Your old man being the father who died in a raid on your village when you were eight?" Tyki asked, raising an eyebrow. "So, you don't want to open the gate to the underworld in order to revive the dead or something?"

"That's ridiculous," the younger boy told him tersely.

"What would you possibly want to ask him?"

This time, though, Allen kept his mouth firmly shut.

"It wouldn't be something like the reason he abandoned you to save his own skin, would it?" Tyki asked softly, and Allen's eyes flew towards him in alarm.

"Why do you know that?" He hissed, fear crawling into his voice.

The dark-skinned man snorted. "I guessed. It's not too hard. You read like an open book to anyone who knows you well enough. And while we're on the topic, there's something about your thought process that's been ticking me off for a while. I don't really care what delusions you spin for yourself, but as the Noah of pleasure, I find it offensive that you'd think that people fall in love because of sex. That's ridiculous, you know?"

"What?" Allen shot him an irritated look. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"What I'm trying to say is, while you're busy lying to yourself, don't violate the sanctity of something I find rather admirable."

"Which one?" Allen asked dryly. "Love, or sex?"

"Both," was the demon's answer, and the younger boy snorted.

"What Tyki's trying to tell you is that you don't fall in love because you want to fuck someone. You want to fuck someone because you love them," Rhode told him with a mischievous grin, the harsh words falling easily from her delicate lips. "Ideally speaking, anyways."

"And what," The younger boy asked through clenched teeth, "is the point of all this conversation anyways?"

"Because, you know, you've already been in love for a long, long time."

Allen froze. For a few moments, he couldn't make any sense of the words, but when their meaning finally got through to his head, he opened his mouth to protest.

"That's ridiculous," he hissed vehemently as he shook his head furiously, his heartbeat beginning to pick up.

"It's not something that you notice until it's too late, you know."

"And what would a demon know about it, anyways?" Allen shot back desperately. "Even if you're not lying, you're wrong."

"Boy," Tyki's voice curled icily. "You step too far in assuming that you know what a demon can or cannot feel." His voice became softer as he added, "Have some trust, why don't you? You've never asked the old man that question. Perhaps, before your wish is granted, you ought to rethink things a little."

Allen pressed his lips together tightly. "I don't need trust. Because in the end, they always leave you."

…

As they walked an odd-looking, circular stone formation, the energy in the air around them began to crackle, and Allen shivered. The space inside the circle seemed to become a world of its own, and even the colors began to shimmer.

"And now we wait," Rhode announced as she leapt nimbled onto one of the huge stone blocks and sat on top of it cross-legged, closing her eyes. Tyki chose to simply wander toward another rock and lean against it.

"Wait for what?" Allen asked.

"Wait for Rhode to set the spell in place," Tyki told him. "Do you know how the gate to the underworld is opened?"

The younger boy shook his head. "All I know is that the Noah are the immortal demons who can pass freely between this world and the next."

Tyki shrugged. "It's not something that most people know anyways. Opening the gate requires two of us—an 'anchor' in this world, and a 'guide' in the other. It takes a long time to set up and gather energy for."

"Oh." Allen fell silent. "How long will it take?"

The dark-skinned man shrugged. "I don't know."

"Have you opened the gate before?"

Tyki raised an eyebrow. "Once," he answered shortly. "A woman wanted to bring back her dead lover. In the end, it turned out that he'd suicided. The woman cursed us with her dying breath," he added with a bitter smile.

"Why'd you agree to open it for her?" Allen asked, perplexed, but Tyki only shot him a dark look in response.

"Get comfortable, because this will take a while."

_How far away is that other exorcist?_ Rhode asked silently, and Tyki's face twitched slightly.

_Only ten minutes away. He's even faster than we'd planned for._

The corner of the girl's lips tugged upwards in a smile. _Not bad._

_ Are you absolutely sure this will work? What if he doesn't do as you expected? What if he chooses to save his own skin instead?_

Rhode shrugged almost imperceptibly. _Then we'll just have to open the gate after all, I guess._

Tyki's body tensed. _I told you that I'm not op—_

_ Just once?_ Rhode pleaded, and he sighed in frustration.

_This had better work. Here he comes._

A sharp crack boomed through the air as the energy around the stone circle rippled, and Allen's eyes flew towards the source of the intrusion in disbelief as a familiar figure stalked towards him furiously.

"Bean sprout, what are you doing here?" Kanda demanded before he noticed the two demons. "What are _they_ doing here?"

The younger boy averted his eyes. "Long story," he mumbled. "Why are you here, anyways?"

"_Because,_" Kanda hissed, "Lenalee came crying to us randomly wailing about your resignation, which you didn't say a word to anyone about. And _because_ there were traces of Noah energy in your room, which led all the way to this godforsaken place in the middle of nowhere. You have some serious explaining to do."

"I don't need to explain anything to you," Allen said defensively. "I never asked you to come here, and you should just leave. It's none of your business."

"None of my business?" The dark-haired exorcist asked in disbelief. "You think you can just fucking _leave_ without saying a word to anyone and then tell me that it's _none of my business?_"

"I'm not obligated to report anything to you."

Kanda stared at him for a moment, then folded his arms. "I am not leaving until I get a proper explanation, so start talking, bean sprout."

Allen was about to retort, but he stiffened as he felt a rise in the energy behind him. He glanced back; the gate was already starting to form, and he didn't know what would happen if Kanda got caught in the backlash. "Just leave already!" He shouted, shoving the exorcist away with as much strength as he could muster. "I don't give a shit about you, and you shouldn't do so for me, either! So just go away!"

Kanda had noticed the surge in power as well, and his eyes flew up in alarm just as the younger boy pushed him. Distracted, he staggered for a moment before he regained his balance and caught Allen's wrist. "What are you trying to do with that energy?" He hissed viciously, a note of fear crawling into his voice.

"Opening the 'gate,'" Allen stated boldly, though his voice shook slightly.

Kanda's eyes widened in disbelief. "Are you serious? Do you know how dangerous that is? We're leaving _now,_ bean sprout!" He tugged at the younger boy's arm, but Allen quickly snatched his wrist back.

"Sorry, but I've chosen what I want, and it has nothing to do with you. So leave," he said, struggling to put more confidence in his voice than what he really felt. The ground was already starting to tremble with the energy buildup, and the rocks around them shook dangerously.

The dark-haired exorcist narrowed his eyes, but after a moment, he turned furiously. "Fine. Have it your way," he snapped before moving to leave.

At that moment, though, a sudden surge of power knocked Allen to his knees and blasted Kanda away. _"Get out of here!"_ Rhode screamed at them suddenly, piercing the air.

"What—?" Allen turned, his eyes widening as the 'gate' suddenly began to collapse, along with the stone blocks around them. "What happened?" He called, his voice barely distinguishable from the crackles and thunderous roars around them.

"The 'gate' didn't form properly!" Tyki answered. "You two won't survive unless you get out _right now!_"

Allen tried to scramble up, but the energy surge had knocked any strength out of him. He collapsed as soon as he got to his feet. A fragment of a stone block fell to the ground with a deafening crash just a few feet away, and it wouldn't be long before the next one struck him. He should have been panicked, but somehow, he almost felt glad that it was over. It was probably some sort of fate that he would die trying to get the answer to the question that had been haunting him for seven years.

"What are you doing, bean sprout? Get out of the way!" Kanda's voice rang in his ears as a pair of rough hands dragged him up.

"Why are you still here?" Allen asked, stunned. "You were closer to the edge of the circle. You should have left already."

"Was I supposed to leave you behind or something?" The dark-haired exorcist snapped furiously.

"_Yes!_" Allen shot back. "Are you stupid? You'll die too! You can't possibly save both of us!" His mind was spinning. He couldn't understand why the other exorcist was still here, why he hadn't just left when he'd had the chance. Suddenly, his foot caught against a fallen fragment of rock, and he stumbled despite Kanda's best efforts. Cursing, Kanda slipped an arm around him and tried to drag him away. It was painfully slow, too slow to avoid the collapsing ruins around them.

Allen saw it before Kanda did. He screamed an incoherent warning as one of the stone blocks began to sway dangerously, and Kanda looked up, alarmed. They didn't have enough time to both get out of the way. Allen squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the inevitable death that would befall him. It was already a miracle that Kanda had stayed with him for this long; certainly, at this point, he would leave.

His eyes still closed, he heard a grunt and the sharp crack of rock splitting, and then he felt a heavy weight fall on top of him, still warm. Alarmed, he opened his eyes.

Kanda was still there. He had tried to slice at the rock with his sword, but the impact must have seriously injured him. Allen stared at the figure crumpled on top of him in disbelief, not trusting his own eyes. It was impossible that Kanda hadn't left already. By all the laws that he had lived by for seven years, it was impossible.

Overwhelmed by shock, he barely noticed as the air around him rippled momentarily, his surroundings melting away. It was only when Rhode spoke that he looked around, stunned.

"The rocks are… back to normal?" He asked slowly, his mind still a mess.

Rhode nodded. "As soon as you entered the stone circle, you entered the 'dream' I set up."

Allen struggled to understand the meaning of her words. "Everything… was an illusion? You never opened the gate."

"That's right."

"… why?"

Rhode raised an eyebrow but didn't answer. "He didn't leave you," she said finally. "Isn't that enough?"

"I… I don't understand." He suddenly felt dizzy, and he fought a wave of nausea that rolled over him.

"You're tired. I had to use a good deal of your energy to set up the illusion properly," Rhode murmured softly. "And it must be a shock to have all of your beliefs swept away."

"The… gate…? You said…"

"We said we'd grant your wish," Rhode told him with a sly smile. "And we did. Your real wish that I saw in your mind. '_I don't want to be alone anymore_,' you thought."

"What…"

His vision was starting to fade, and the voices around him began to blur.

"I'll tell you a secret," Rhode whispered into his ear right before he fell unconscious. "The last words that your father said… _'I'm sorry.'_"

And then everything went black.

Rhode straightened up as the younger boy's eyes closed and his head fell back limply. A moment later, the dark-haired exorcist began to stir, his eyes opening halfway for a moment before he realized where he was. Quickly, he jumped up, alert, before he seemed to register that his surroundings had changed.

"Calm down," Rhode told him with a grin. "You're safe now."

Kanda's eyes flew towards the unconscious boy, and he knelt down to feel his heartbeat anxiously.

"He's safe, too. Just a bit sick."

"What happened?" Kanda demanded, and Rhode shrugged.

"Allen will tell you about it later. But, you know, I suppose you deserve some applause. When I peeked into his mind for the first time five years ago, I thought he'd die alone. I thought no one could ever break through that wall of his. And you did it in just a few months." She laughed. "With my help, of course."

"Did… I?" Kanda stared at her, dumbfounded.

"But now there's nothing left. That wall that he's built up, all of his beliefs for seven years… now that they're gone, he's nothing but an empty shell. You'd better be willing to take responsibility. He can't live like this. All of his memories, all of his pain… you'll have to fill that up with bits of yourself, slowly, day by day, year by year. I wonder, can you handle it?"

Kanda scowled at her. "Don't ask stupid questions," he snapped as he gathered up the unconscious boy into his arms.

It didn't matter because, after all this time, he had the real Allen within reach. And that was too precious to let go.

…

When Allen woke up, there was something warm wrapped around him. With a jolt of surprise, he realized they were arms. Human arms. Human warmth.

"Kanda…?" He murmured, unsure of whether he was dreaming or not.

"Oh, you're awake. Took you long enough," the dark-haired exorcist told him, his warm breath falling on the younger boy's face. One of his hands trailed down Allen's back lightly, drawing out a soft moan.

"Want to?" Kanda asked, the hint of a smirk dancing across his lips.

"Ah… but…" Allen's mind raced, but he couldn't find any reason not to. Not that he didn't want to, but… the idea was so alien… Any such thoughts were driven out of his mind, though, as rough lips covered his mouth and a soft tongue entered. He was breathless by the time he was finally freed, and he couldn't hold back another moan as fingers drifted expertly across his skin.

Somewhat desperately, he stuffed his sleeve into his mouth and bit it to stop the involuntary sounds that kept escaping him, but Kanda pried his arm away from his face, and the younger boy gave a cry of half pleasure and half pain, his fingers clenching into fists around the other exorcist's shirt. A part of him whispered that he never wanted to let go of this single piece of warmth.

"Don't hold it in," the dark-haired exorcist murmured, twisting his fingers and drawing out a strangled gasp from the younger boy as he arched his back.

"Stay… with me?" Allen breathed with some difficulty once he'd recovered.

In response, Kanda only pressed warm lips against his once more. "Of course. Forever." He whispered.

And suddenly, it wasn't cold anymore.

...

* * *

><p>God this chapter was a bitch to write. It took me twice as long as the other two, and it still sorta sucks. xD But I rather like it. Even if it's a bit crappy.<p>

Yeah. I chickened out on the lemon scene. /thumbsup. Though technically speaking I was never planning to write it completely in the first place.

In retrospect, instead of writing the entire story, I could have just summarized it with: "Secretly, I'm very lonely." /cue creepy voiceover.

Well, at any rate, hope you liked it. xD IT'S FINALLY OVER YAY.


End file.
